Right.
After the recent saga of our cohort's lousy english preliminary results, I thought I should once again, bring to your attention some examples of writings that will send Cambridge markers to hell.
Actual Writings Found in High School Essays (How Not to write Descriptive Essays):Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by two thighs.
He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
She grew on him like she was a colony of mould and he was room-temperature wet Gardenia.
She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM.
The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
He fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a paper bag filled with vegetable soup.
Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field towards each other like two MRTs, one having left Bugis at 6:36 PM, traveling at 55 mph, the other from Raffles Place at 4:19 PM at a speed of 35 mph.
They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Grandma's teeth.
John and mary had never met. The were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
He fell for her like his heart was a Titanic and she was the ocean.
Shots rang out, like they usually do.
The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
-
-
-
Pay attention, you never know when you are going to use one of these sentences in your essays. Read: DON'T.
Recounting the events which happened on Friday, Zelanie came into mind. Like an annoying pop-up add that always comes with porn sites. I recalled how she was sour about my not mentioning her here. Therefore, being the generous person that I am, I have decided that I would dedicate a few bytes of bandwidth to her.
She wanted me to mention that Jerilyn dearest bit her head during Lucy Tan's E Math class. Because she was leaning her 6-tonne head on Jerilyn.
"Oh. My. God."
"What?"
"You bit my head."
"It's the only way to get you off me."
"YOU BIT MY HEAD!"
One, two, laugh. Zelanie is like Mr. Bean without the penis - a stand-up comedian.
I'm done with acknowledging Zelanie.
-
-
-
I need to do so many things now. Like, study and sleep.
